adulthood is just a constant struggle of, “man, i want cookies for breakfast, but I also recognize this is a bad nutritional decision. On the other hand, the only one who can stop me is me. i know that fucker’s weaknesses. i could totally take me in a fight.”
frog and toad are my two remaining brain cells struggling to keep my horrible body alive
i will tell anyone who listens about how besides being a loose adaptation of the illiad, the spongebob squarepants movie is about coming out
replace every mention of “being a kid” or “being a goofy goober” with “being gay” and the spongebob sqaurepants movie is about a young gay man who is denied a promotion by his homophobic boss, gets drunk at a gay bar with his friend the night after and comes to work absolutely sauced, then goes on a journey to try to deny his true nature complete with scenes where he and his friend try to fit in at a masculine gay-bashing biker bar, he grows fake facial hair (a “beard”?) and attempts to perform hypermasculinity unsuccessfully, just before he and his friend are captured and die they come out to each other and they cry a tear in the shape of a heart which saves their lives and ride back in victory on the back of david hassellhoff’s butt and then have a glam rock musical number where they radically celebrate themselves and at this point i’m not even making changes to the metaphors here that’s just what happens literally in the movie spongebob is gay
